How to spot a fresher

A first year med student can be spotted more easily than a baby with chicken pox. Here’s what gives you away:

1. Can be spotted fighting over free tins of beans at freshers fairs.
2. Conversation over lunch includes topics other than resection of the small bowel.
3. Jump at the chance to sign-up for clinical trials to earn a fiver being injected with the Ebola virus.
4. They turn up to all lectures – even those that aren’t compulsory.
5. Commonly throw up in the tube/taxi on the way back from the union.
6. Borrow every book on pathology from the library so no ‘proper’ medics can use them to revise for path exams.
7. Appear to drown when trying to do a ‘funnel’.
8. Clothes are badly stained with fat from the dissection lab.
9. End up on the floor after watching a surgeon make the first incision.
10. Still want to be a doctor because they ‘care deeply about mankind and want to repay their debt to society for their pitiful existence’